Wowsers, time flies!! It’s now nearing the end of August and I haven’t completed writing about Day 2 of getting our malu.

So, on day 2 my cuz was first up she had half of one leg and the rest of the second leg to finish. Knowing the pain she was going to experience, I sat with her the whole time, waiting patiently, holding her hand, listening to her breathe, I knew what she was going through and taking this all in with silent humility made me so so sooo proud!

As her leg was getting tattooed, I felt pain on my yet to be tattooed leg and was wondering why it was hurting. After investigating the source of the pain discovered the burning was from sleeping on the tiled floor where I was burnt by rolling on a worm.

Prior to starting our day two, we were told by the Tufuga and his assistants that we will feel different with the second leg, they didn’t elaborate how different and we both thought, sweet, second leg should be a walk in the park.

The closest comparison I have to completing the second leg in finding the strength and enery to continue on I can relate to is sport. When playing sport you get to a point where your legs are burning, your lungs are trying to keep up with the physical demands, or just like the last 10 seconds of a plank or squat where, the end is near but you have to hold your position or post, this was the feeling I had for another 5 hours. Every tap hurt from the first to the absolute last.

The coolness of the wipes still provided some relief but I had to find “my happy place.” I didn’t truly find my happy place until at least an hour or two into my last sitting. I was in shock for the first few hours during this time and just focussed on my breathing and taking the pain, copping it sweet. I was thinking, this is your journey, you’re nearly there, get through it, no crying and suck it up Princess.

Once I accepted the pain, I was able to open my eyes, one of the first things I saw was one of the assistants (solo) had his own pe’a, the traditional male tattoo. This helped me relax knowing, he knew what I was going through and my cousin holding my hand helped me feel safe, I had nothing to fear. So I surrendered myself to this pain. I recall one stage when it got too much, I tensed and Tufuga Fa’alili had to tap through it.

What got me through it near the end, no lying, was my family sitting, waiting, watching and being blessed into a family of jokesters when the time is right, provided an extra sense of safety and my home away from home. You see, at the final stages of our malu, the kids were home from school, my aunt and uncles were home from work so everyone got to see it.

If you recall my earlier post about my personal space and boundaries, this is all gone now. Our malu goes up near the crotch area, where, while completing the band and patterns up the top, Tufuga Fa’alili had to press down on my lower abdomen. The first piece of advice I gave my cousin after day 1 was, go empty your bladder because when it got to that part, you could very easily pee your pants (ha ha ha).

Anyway, breaking down my personal space barrier, one of my male cousins saw how high they were tattooing me and literally (se’i tulou… with utmost respect), I was spread eagled while my poor cousin sat and watched. I was in so much pain, I didn’t care, but made a mental challenge to him, bro I dare you to get your pe’a too. Getting our malu was a journey I needed, to help with this barrier I had up for so so so long. In addition, it gave me a new sense of self and belonging that I always had but I had to seek and experience my way.

At the final tap, they had to tell me twice it was over, the solo who had his own pe’a said, ua uma (it’s done), I thought he was joking because he was quite jokey with me the day before too. The first thing I heard, as I shakily stood up was the voice of my uncle (looks and sounds like dad) was just pride, he was so proud of us girls it was evident.

We then had a ceremony to complete the whole journey. After I stood up, our families gave us both hugs and was whisked away to quickly shower get cleaned for the ceremony.

The ceremony started off with a loku (evening family worship and prayer session). This was followed by the blessing from Tufuga Fa’alili for what we have just endured by cracking an egg over our heads and blessing us on our journey. This followed by being covered in babyoil by the two au solo and of course, to finish off anthing, a taualuga (Samoan dance to end the ceremony).

After the ceremony, we received hugs from all our family. This is when the full weight of the beginning of my journey truly hit me. I am no longer me. My cousin is no longer her. We together carry something for our families.

During this time, I was feeling down that mum and dad weren’t there to see it. Thank God for technology, my cousin live streamed the video so my family could see it all.. Choo hoo!

♥Thank you, Thank you very much.

I started this blog in Saturday 4th May.

To everyone who’s read my blog to date, thank you for your well wishes. So, in typical fashion, I’ll reflect on how the journey progressed. It is the night before returning to Australia and I’m going to miss my family here so very much.

The day before leaving Australia for Samoa, I received a phone call from my cuz on behalf of Aunty Temu asking me if it was ok to bring the date forward for when we got our malu to Thursday (ANZAC Day) and then finish it on Friday. I was like, yeah no problems just as long as she was ok with it too. This gave us both less days to stress over until “M” day. Unbeknownst to us, we should’ve already known, Aunty Temu said yes to Tufuga Fa’alili. Fa’alili used to be one of my Aunty Temu’s children of the Ministry back in the 1990s, so my Aunt and cousins were very familiar with the family and for a time there, were their church family. This spiritual relationship helped ease this journey and we were about to experience, thus making it all the more special.

So yes, my cousin and I should’ve known Aunty Temu already said yes (Ha ha ha).

I was relieved it was brought forward and said to my cousin it means, we only have one day to be nervous. Tufuga Fa’alili and his team would be over around 8am on Thursday morning.

8:00am Thursday morning came and went then, around 8:30am, we could hear the dogs in the distance bark, indicating an unfamiliar car was approaching. I was honestly thinking, island time and thank goodness, let’s get it started. Not. So. Fast. Grasshopper.

The Samoan way, you host properly. Host properly means feeding your guests a feast. During our breakfast feast, my uncle queried what customs and protocols we had to observe. We were advised that once the tattooing started everyone had to be seated on the floor no one could sit on a chair or stand up. I unwittingly broke this protocol that same day after misinterpreting Tufuga Fa’alili after my first leg was completed… oops!

Another protocol that was later revealed, we weren’t allowed (My cuz and I) to sit or sleep on the bed. So I slept Island style on the tiled floor. Needless to say, “sleep” was and overstatement. I napped as the tiles are hard and my first leg was tender so it was an uncomfortable night. I unknowingly rolled over onto a worm that is black and as a result got burned, which I didn’t know until the next day when I felt a burning sensation on my leg

In summary regarding the only two protocols I had to observe, I would say, I toed the line, what can I say? I’m a rebel at heart.

So, during breakfast, I was honestly thinking, let’s get started before nerves kicked in. I was ready to go. It was like precision clockwork. Tufuga Fa’alili’s team knew their roles and made sure before they sat down to eat, the key preparations were complete.

So brekkie was had and Tufuga Fa’alili took time to think of the design, tapping his tapping au ta (tapping stick) all the while thinking. Once he was set in his mind with a design, he called me over. I had to hike up my lavalava (sarong). This was step 1 of me shedding this need for personal space. I stood in front of Tufuga Fa’alili as he drew lines on my legs. Apparently I was shaking because he asked, “Why are you shaking?” It was more about being exposed in a room full of my aunts, uncle and cousins more than anticipating the pain to come and I was honestly nervous.

So after the drawing I was asked to lie face down my head opposite where Tufuga Fa’alili was facing. I was mentally preparing myself for the pain thinking it was going to be similar to that of getting a needle. I felt a sharp etch on my leg and thought he was now etching the outline of where he was about to start. Then he stated, “OK Louisa, we’re about to start loosen your leg muscles and relax”. I did, then I heard the first few taps. To be honest, the pain was less than I had anticipated and I said to myself “Self, you can’t cry because your little cousin is next”. So I didn’t. As they were starting in the back I was thankful it wasn’t the knees yet.

The areas that I felt the most pain was where the glutes are, that is the butt cheek area where it burned like a searing blade burn. The other area that hurt bad was the knee and the tender areas on the side of the knee.  Smashed rocks against knee was sort of right, it felt more like my knee was a piece of cement being sculpted into a masterpiece with the chisel by the stonemason. 

I hugged the pillow as Tufuga Fa’alili was tapping away and let out heavy breaths each time the tapping stopped. The coolness of the wipes as the ink was being wiped away helped alleviate the pain a bit. To get through the pain, I counted the taps. I found that the average number of taps was 10 before Tufuga Fa’alili had to re-ink, this was my saving grace because when he re-inked, I felt the coolness of the wipes.

I moved a lot during the tattoo. How do I know? I was told I move a lot, A LOT. So much so I got smacked on the butt on the second leg because I was moving a lot. Being the smartass I replied it was because my leg wanted to dance. You see, as we were being tattooed, my cousin was playing music in the background and cooking.

On Day 1, the smell of his chicken curry helped transport me to foodtopia while my leg was being marked in Samoa’s finest dress and I temporarily forgot the pain. As they were finishing my first leg, a remix of the song “whole again” was playing, quite symbolic as I was finished with my first leg, making me feel somewhat whole knowing fully well I had one leg to go.   This song was also what my sister and twin brothers and I sang at the twins 21st, well I was told they sang while I apparently sang a different song tune

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ha ha ha.

My cuz was next and let me just say, we showed our family that we were accepting our malu with silent humility. My cuz didn’t cry as well and took it all as well. Knowing how much pain she would be going through, I tried to make sure I was with her all the way. Tufuga Fa’alili completed one half of my cuz’s first leg and had to call it a day as they had to catch last ferry to Manono.

So the next day we were going to have both legs completed.

I’ll write more soon about the next day and what this journey has taught me. Here is a pick of leg 1 completed on ANZAC Day 2019.

So the day was brought forward and my cuz and I started on ANZAC Day, Thursday 25th April and finished on Friday 26th April.

This is us with Tufuga Fa’alili Suluape in the middle and we’re flanked by the two young men who stretched our thighs and wiped away the ink. They were all great and man do I respect them.

I’ll write more on my experience once I can sit down and reflect, however, here is a snippet. It hurt, smashed rocks against knees, yes, I didn’t cry and I was first with one completed leg on ANZAC Day that took 4 hours and the next day, I had a 5.5 hour stint to complete leg 2, did I mention it hurt?

Two more sleeps until I go to Samoa and six more sleeps til “M” day.

So just an update on where I am spiritually, emotionally and physically

Spiritually I am ready, my reason is pure and my heart is at ease, ready and set to go.

Emotionally I’m reminded everyday I spend with my family they are my reason for being me. In an ever changing world where traditions can be unintentionally left behind or neglected, for generations to come, hopefully I’m around to tell the children of my nieces and nephews what the markings on my legs represent, if not, I’m sure by then I can make a 3D recording for them to watch while I read them my blog with no option to pause, fast forward or stop ha ha ha…. hmmmm might do it to this lot now, a captive audience.

Physically, what can I say, pulling my hammy 10 weeks ago just made me mindful of every little ache or strain in my legs so I’ve made sure that physically, my thighs and knees are ok, check and check.

So, I’m ready and thanks to the love and generosity of my Irish parents (my sister-in-law’s parents) I have managed to ease into my break in preparation for Samoa after they treated us all to a lovely family dinner last night, where I found the best mojitohs I have had in a while. Family time was very much needed especially with my niece and nephews.

I know my brother in the USA, his wife and my 3 nieces, as well as my brother and sister in Melbourne and cousins from both mum and dad’s are all supporting me.

It goes without saying though, if it hadn’t been for mum, dad and my Aunty Temu’s initial blessing as well as my cuz’s sisterhood and solidarity to take this journey with me, this whole journey wouldn’t have even started or continued.

So to my family and friends here at home, far and wide, fa’afetai, fa’afetai lava (thank you, thank you very much). Let’s hope this time next week I can share a photo, telling a story of my heritage forever a part of me and my family.

Reflection and Self-Awareness.

I am welcoming my 40s off the back of a 2.5 day work-related leadership workshop away from my loved ones, dad sick in hospital, a 4 hour wait on my own at the airport and of all days my birthday apparently falls on Siblings Day.

You can run but you can’t hide from responsibilities and getting older.

So I’ve titled today’s blog as ‘Starting back at 1’. This is purely because, today I reflect on how I wanted to mark turning 40 by getting my malu.

Right now my name is mud because I have refused my siblings and cousins their self perceived right to get drunk and rowdy all in the name of my 40th, ha ha ha. But truly, it’s just another day in paradise.

Changes are afoot and I’ll be moving back to Melbourne at the end of May to be with mum and dad .. hmmm, befitting to today’s blog title, Starting back at 1?

So, this time in two weeks, I’ll be in Samoa waiting 3 more sleeps until “M” day. My mind is set, my reason is solid, my spirit is willing and so I feel my prepping is on track.

So, by looking back and starting back at 1, my initial reason for the malu has not been compromised, if anything discovering what I have since starting this blog, I am really excited and I can’t wait… Bring on 27 April🤗🤗

So, remember a few blogs back I noted that two girls from Fiji gifted the tattoo implements to 2 families in Samoa? My mate Bridget forwarded me this exciting snippet following sharing my news with her regarding my journey to get a malu.

This snippet of the doco is essentially the story of the two girls. The song being sung in this snippet is the traditional song the Tufugas sing while tattooing.
https://youtu.be/RHhlMBUAHA8

Thanks B, I can’t wait for the full doco!!!

Mental preparation is harder especially because of the no drinking, I didn’t realise how much I like to have a drink at least a few throughout the week especially when it’s quite a stressful working week.

So full disclosure, I lasted a full 2 weeks… had 3 beers Friday night while catching up with my psychologist/ irresponsible drinking buddy😫😳😀 and with my sisters yesterday. My sisters and I found ourselves in a rare and unique situation where for 4 hours they were free of kids and husbands, so a sissy catch up over drinks was needed and long overdue. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it 😂. Though my youngest sister started calling me Willie for lack of will power. The same sister then was drunkenly poking me and actually poked me so hard she drew blood and it hurt. I screamed a blood curdling scream. Later I thought, oh Lord if I can’t handle this how the heck am I gonna handle multiple pokes.with the traditional tap, tap, tap.

There are always setbacks, so I’ll chalk this weekend to one of my setbacks. The ultimate test is the weeks leading up to getting my malu when we have a few kids birthdays and Easter.

Mentally, I’m ready in the sense that I am not delusional and know it’s going to hurt regardless. The biggest thing I’m afraid of is, they’ll stop because either I can’t handle it or I’ll bleed out. Yes, the last section may seem silly to those that have tattoos but it’s a genuine concern I have.

So, this time in 5 weeks time, my cousin and I would have hopefully done our family proud.

My Dearest Cousin,

Thank you for embarking on this journey with me, your strength and love as well as your healthy dose of fear for the unknown is a blessing.

The weeks are flying by and I know as each other’s soa, this time around, we’re using our time together wisely instead of seeking out all the fried chicken places to critique around Apia (kala mo’i… true story).

I dedicate this blog to you with heartfelt thanks and appreciation. I anticipate that this journey will link us together forever on another strand as per the fine mat analogy.

I hope I can be a pillar of support to you as well and I promise, if you cry, I won’t tell (ha ha ha) nor will I judge, especially because I’ll probably be crying too.

So, fa’afetai uso, I love you xoxo.

My ticket is booked I head to Samoa 23 April, get my blessing on Saturday 27 April and will be home Sunday 5 May quite possibly with my cuz who’s soa with me and I her.

Now I’m excited🤗🤗

Weirdest thing my previous blog about putting past hurts and pain behind, my ex-husband contacted me out of the blue yesterday. Funny, we have been separated 7 years and the pain still lingers from the breakdown in our relationship. Hardest thing is, I was with him for 15 years and virtually “grew up” with him. Long story short, this is what I need to heal from in moving forward and getting my malu…

Darn blogs and putting thoughts in a blog, you face it eventually, didn’t think it’d be this soon but such is life and go to luma le olaga (moving forward with life) 😃😃😃

So… maybe likening a malu to space invaders was just asking for trouble. Lesson learnt, fa’amalie atu (I’m sorry). One of my brothers joked and said maybe they can add a play station remote control wire design … I’m not going there again. Another brother laughed his ass off like there was no tomorrow about my hammy and said, “nah sis you just getting old”. This coming from the eldest of all us!!

It’s funny how injuring my hammy, once again brought home the weight of my decision. If this happened closer to 27 April, my “destiny” would have changed dramatically, or delayed further. So moving forward, I am preparing myself spiritually by respecting the malu and not approach this with the oh so Aussie “she’ll be right” attitude… hmmm… nature versus nurture?

So there is approximately 7 weeks to go, my hamstring is recovering and I’m waiting for my leave to be approved. I am comforted that it’s at Aunty Temu’s house where my grandmother is buried and when I went there in 2015, it was like being home with my parents. I’m getting emotional thinking about what I’m about to embark on and how my cousin and I will have a closer bond for going through this together by being eachother’s soa.

In the midst of all this, it is a time for me also to shut the door on my past hurts and past relationships in preparation for my malu. This is helping me prepare myself spiritually, clearing out ties to pain in the past, taking my power back and looking forward to a new chapter, this time with a malu, gives me a deeper sense of self.

I had a moment of weakness/ feeling of bravado and announced to my family I was going to not drink from Monday 4 March until after my malu was completed. This was met with “yeah righto” and “whatever” and smirks. My brother-in-law pointed out that it would be equivalent to a six week challenge… always the PT 😂😂. I explained I was trying to prepare myself by taking some self control, so if I can not drink for the next 6-7 weeks, I’m preparing my mind. Then my psychologist mate/ irresponsible drinking buddy said, will power and pain are from two separate areas of the brain. As soon as she said this, I headed to the fridge in search for beer. Lucky the house had no beer, this allowed me time to re-gather my thoughts and get back into, no beer til it’s done mode.

So, when I started drafting this, I was waiting for my leave to be approved. This came through that same week… thanks Bossman!! So, now I’m getting excited, looking forward to the end of April 😄😄😄